ClosingBracket

Wow, it’s been a long time since I posted. I need to get on the stick! I hope I didn’t alienate all my readers.

…And we have to do this very delicately otherwise people might get the wrong idea.
We have to lie.

Did I say that?”

No, you didn’t.

You’re upset.

I’m upset.

Well it’s understandable. You mind if I give you
a bit of advice? Of course you know this because you’re a smart guy.
You should never make important descisions when you’re upset.

You did, and American soldiers and innocent civilians are dead because of it.

I never ordered any…

No, don’t even think about playing that game with me, I will
not let dishonour their memories by pretending you had nothing to do
with it.

How dare you come in here and lecture me.

How dare you, sir!

How dare you come in here and bark at me like
some junkyard dog! I am the President of the United States!

It gives me no pleasure to do it, sir. As acting deputy
director of intelligence, it is my duty to report this matter to the
Senate oversight commitie.

You’re not going to do that.

I’m not?

No, no. You’ve got yourself a chip in the big
game now. You’re gonna tuck that away, you are going to save that for a
time when your own ass is on the line and then you’re gonna pull it
out. And I’m going to cash it in for you. Right?

I don’t think I have any more to say to you sir.

The country can’t afford another scandal Jack.
To protect itself it won’t allow the possibility of another desception
that goes all the way to the top. You’ll take the blame, Cutter and
Ritter will take some too but it won’t amount to much, they’ll get a
slap on the wrist and then $20,000 an hour on the lecture circuit. The
rest of the blame will fall on Greer. Oh yeah you’ll take him down with
you. You’ll destroy his reputation but that’s as far as it’ll go. The
old plutomic two step Jack.

I’m sorry Mr. President, I don’t dance.

I thought you would be interested to hear that I have declared war on my fatitude. For too long I have looked in the mirror thinking of years gone past when I was in relative shape. Back in the day when I could climb a staircase without keeling over.

I declared war on Monday. That is when I started HIIT running. HITT is high intensity interval training. I put on my shoes, walk over to the park, jog for 30 seconds, spring for 30 seconds, rinse and repeat.

Sounds good eh? Though so…unfortunately, my first two days (Monday and Wednesday) consisted of 3 minutes of HIIT.

The war is not going well…

I just have to blog. I am sitting on my back porch, it’s a beautiful day, the sun is shining, my wife is sitting here configuring her Rockr and I am surfing the web.

Oh, did I mention we just put down a couple of Tilts? Life feels pretty good.

I have a thought for the internet ether.

Why when 2 people are less than 50′ apart they feel the need to communicate via internet?

There should be a limit to e-mail. If you are less then 50′ feet in proximity, you can’t send an e-mail, text, phone, or other message. Wait…I just thought of an amendment. If you could talk loudly and the other person would hear you then please…no e-mails.

But wait Mike! What if i don’t want to disturb the person? I then suggest a balled up note thrown in the persons general direction or the in audible mouthed “…When you have a minute can we talk?..” while raising your index finger. Get crazy, use your imagination.

That is all. If you are within 50′ feet of me while reading this, my apologies.

Ever wonder how to read your significant other? I have tried to analyze my wife for years with no success. As soon as I think I have it, I am surprised.

Here are some standard responses everyone know…

Do I look fat?
NO!

Don’t worry I will take out the trash.
(I better get my a$$ outside and take out the trash.)

I’m gonna pick something up at the store.
(I better get ready to carry in the bags.)

I heard a couple new ones today that I am still translating.

While you are out at Best Buy why not get a Nintendo WII?
(What is she up to?)

Why not get that 46 inch flat screen today?
(I’m scared.)

We have business.

We have casual.
We have business casual.

Business is “suits”
Casual is “jeans and a t-shirt”
Business Casual is “slacks and a polo”.

I discovered a new category today at work. The person was wearing jeans and a polo. Nothing special right? The strange part that through me? Jeans, a polo and a long sleeve shirt under the polo. This reminded me of the early 90s high schoolers with their mud flap of a hair dew riding their skate boards through the mall parking lot wearing baggy jeans with their long sleeve t-shirt under their Nirvana/Pearl Jam/Soundgarden/Nine Inch Nails t-shirt.

Huh? A NEW category is born!

business grunge

I just realized how long it’s been since I last posted something to my blog. I guess nothing has inspired me to share anything with the world wide web.

The latest news is the presidential primaries and how bad the economy is. It’s no big deal that Columbia and Venezuela are massing troops on their borders. I haven’t seen any live reports from those jungles.

I miss the old guy who used to “make the donuts” in the morning.

I have been watching SpongeBob SquarePants on Nickelodeon with my daughter a lot….I mean a whole lot.

Here are some info off the top of my head.

• SpongeBob SquarePants
• Patrick Star
• Squidworth Tentacles
• Gary (SpongeBob’s pet snail)
• Smelly (Squidworth’s pet snail in an episode where they race snails)
• Some squirrel that lives in Bikini Bottem with the gang.

They live in bikini bottom at the bottom of the sea. SpongeBob lives in a pineapple. Squidworth lives in one of those wierd statue heads that I think is on Easter Island. Patrick lives in what appears to be a giant shell that is upside down.

Spongebob and Squidworths houses seem livable. Patricks seems primitive like a cave. For some reason, they drive boats with wheels. They live in water yet still take baths…not sure what that liquid is. SpongeBob’s favorite activity is jelly fishing in the jelly fish fields. (chasing jelly fish with a net) He works at the crabby patty with Squidworth as a short order chef. Mister Crab is the boss. Squidworth is the cashier. I’m not sure if Patrick has a job.

Here is the theme song as I rememeber it.

Ready kids?

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh

who lives in a pineapple under the sea?
SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!
Yellow and porous, absorbant is he!
SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!
If nauticle nonsense is something you wish!
SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!
Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish!
SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!
ready?
SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!

SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!

SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!

SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!

SPONGEBOB ……………….SQUAREPANTS!

(then SpongeBob plays his own nose like a flute.)

That’s it for now. I will blog more as I learn about the rhealm of bikini bottom.

Yes…I have been Simpsonized.